This is a fair-warning. All right, that's a lie, this is a very unfair warning. Why is it unfair? Easy, I'm never going to name your name. That means that you could read this and think it's about you or not about you. Furthermore: I'm hoping you don't read this. Seriously, if it's really about you, I don't want you to read it. Did you stop reading? Damn you! Oh well, do what you want. Worst case scenario you read a letter that's for and about you. SIGH.
Here's the unfair-warning: I am already half in love with you.
Look, you've met yourself. You know! You're totally lovable. It's not my fault! For starters: the 90s taught me to love boy band members and the early 2000s taught me to love emo boys and you are somehow an Adonis-like combination of the two. (Seriously, wear eyeliner sometime and watch the girls swoon.) Besides that, you're an unrealistic compilation of attractive qualities. What I mean is this: you're smart and kind, and friendlier than anyone I have ever met. And super handsome. Seriously, ridiculously handsome. But don't get a big head about it, if your ego inflates any you'll be slightly less lovable. Only slightly though because oh-my-goodness you're practically perfect. In every way. You're really giving Mary Poppins a run for her money.
Oh hold on a second! I am not in love with you. Don't be ridiculous. My tendency to develop actual romantic interest in a person is slim, for starters. Plus you've never done anything to make me be actually in love with you. Maybe if you started reading more books (seriously: read something) and rescued a siberian husky and occasionally complemented my gorgeous hair. But, to my knowledge, you don't do anything of those things, so who cares about you? Oh right. Me. That's what we were originally talking about.
My complaint is this: being half in love with a person sucks. It's all... anxious and insecure and giddy and stupid. So we've got a half-full cup here, either fill it all the way up or empty it.
What I mean is this: it's totally possible that you like me/think I'm cute/whatever. Because, I mean, I've got a wonderful personality. (Guys always go for girls with personalities, right? They really like those smart-funny types, right? 'Cause boys be like, "Oh, gimme some of that literary analysis opened up with a quippy anecdote. Damn girl, that's some kick ass verbosity you got there.") Plus I'm one crafty mother trucker, which I think these Totally Rad 90s Sneakers prove:
So, as I was saying, it's completely feasible that you would want me to be slightly-more in love with you than I currently am. What with the smarts and the humor and the talents and the devilish good looks. In which case, you should definitely try and make it more apparent that you want me to be slightly-more in love with you. For example, you could try complementing me on my gorgeous hair or showing up at my house, hoisting a boom box up toward my window. Or, if you make out with me, I think I'd *really* get the idea that you liked me. Or you could try something more reasonable. Whatever.
But then, chances are equally good that you don't want me to be any more in love with you, on account of you would just like us to be friends. Which I am so, so fine with. Seriously, I might be heartbroken about it if you read a little more and partied a little less, but as it stands, I'd be totally fine with the whole friends thing. 'Cause, I don't know if you know this or not, but smart and kind and handsome are all good qualities to have in friends, too. Anyway, if that's the case, you need to make that a little more apparent, too. For example: don't get too excited or happy about the fact that I just came into the room.
I know, that's hard, because I'm awesome. What with the smarts and the humor and the talents and the devilish good looks. I completely understand why you're always stoked to see me, really I do. But if you start toning that down a touch, some of this murk that I'm wading through might clear up. Also, if you would stop going out of your way to explain that the girls you're hanging out with aren't "girls" you're "hanging out with," rather than just girls that you're just hanging out with... I kind of lost track of where that sentence was headed. The point is, that's confusing. As your friend, it doesn't matter to me if you're hanging out with girls or hanging out with girls, but if you, say, wanted to make out with me, then there might be a reason for that clarification. You see?
Really, all I'm asking is that you make things a little clearer.
That's all.
P.S. Blog Readers, all jokes aside, I'm serious about my devilish good looks. See:
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