Making Friends

There's this girl in my Principles of Acting class, Katie, who is probably my favorite person ever. She's just so genuinely hilarious and she has the hands-down cutest style. On the day that we all had to embody animals, she embodied a turtle. During the mock interview she told the interviewer, "Well, I'm not the fastest worker, but what I lack in stamina I make up for in work ethic." When asked, "What character do you think you were playing?" She, still kind've acting like a turtle, said in a sincere voice, "Oh, I was thinking I was about eighty years old. I never really worked before, but kind've wanted something to do with my time." It was the best part of class.

If I could have absolutely any friend in the world, I would probably pick Katie. And I would totally try and befriend her... if she didn't intimidate me so much.

If you know Katie, it might surprise you that she intimidates the bejeezus out of me. She's younger than me, shorter than me, quieter than me, and seems to be a lot kinder than me, too... So there isn't really a good "logical" reason for me to be so damn intimidated by her. And yet...

I'm always really intimidated by people who I want to befriend. Not too long ago, I went to visit my best friend. I am very, very similar to one of her roommates. We like the same sort of TV shows, we don't like when people touch us, and we have similar humors. And I could have totally been like, "Hey we're super similar, let's be friends!" (But, like, not in those words and instead through just being personable, relatable, and charming.) But then, instead, when my best friend was away seeing to sorority-obligations, and her roommate said (to me and her third roommate), "So where do you guys want to go for dinner?" I had to physically stop myself from letting them know they didn't have to include me. As we walked toward the car, I had to hold back a, "I don't want to be a burden, you really don't have to take me...."

People think that I don't like them. But really, I just think they probably won't like me.

When Renee (AKA the love of my life) was getting ready to go back home, I met hoards of her friends.  And I really wanted to befriend a lot of them. And some of them I have totally successfully friended. But it's so hard for me. I had to kind of desperately trick them into giving me their phone numbers so that we could maintain a relationship after Renee was gone and unable to keep connecting us.

There used to be two girls who went to Avila, Sarah and Janelle, and both were so nice to me. The first time I hung out with Sarah, she was, like, cracking up at all my jokes. And when I left I thought, "She'd be nice to be friends with..." And then I was so intimidated that the next time I saw her, I barely spoke at all. And I hardly ever talked to Janelle, she just had to overhear me saying really nice things about her. (She's so talented and pretty and funny and kind and oh my goodness she's the best...)

Anyway, the crux of this bunch of rambles is this: I can't think of a more intimidating bunch of people than those people that you would like to befriend. Not handsome men, not possible employers, not professors, or parents of people you love. And it's so hard to befriend people when you turn into a giant, rambling, bowl of jelly in front of them.