Everywhere

He saw her from across the way. (That's what I heard, at least, and I didn't really get any more details than that so if you're wondering, "What the heck is a 'way'?" I'm sorry, I can't help you.)

He fell in love instantly. Well, not really, because that would be impossible. I mean, she could be a racist or an idiot or a republican or something. There was really no way of telling from all the way across the way. But he says that he fell in love instantly for a couple of reasons. Like, she didn't look like a racist or an idiot or a republican. Also she was really pretty.

She was really pretty, too. I mean, at least she was in her profile picture on Facebook. Technically I never saw her in person.

She had really, really long and really, really dark hair. It was thick and slightly wavy and not at all frizzy. Like she stepped straight out of a shampoo commercial or something. People were always saying to her, "Your hair is, like, really, really pretty. What kind of shampoo do you use?" As though they could just go out and buy that same shampoo and then have really, really nice pretty hair, too, which just, frankly isn't true. People with good hair have good hair. The rest of us just try as hard as we can but then usually wind up with subpar messes.

Anyway, she also had extra ordinary blue eyes. No. That's not a typo. I do not mean extraordinary, I mean extra ordinary. Like, way more ordinary than normal. In fact, the blue of her eyes was so ordinary that it was, in fact, a little extraordinary because ordinary things aren't ordinarily that, well, ordinary.

She had this kind of ethnic ambiguity thing going on where she definitely had all of the privileges of being caucasian but, like, she might get cast in a Marvel movie to give their cast a little more "diversity" but then she'd probably also get killed off before the next movie came out. Maybe she wouldn't get killed off, necessarily but she definitely wouldn't get a cameo in the next Thor or Iron Man or whatever.

Also, she had that kind of easy yet fashionable style guys really, really go for. Like, that day she was wearing this short, cotton, blue dress with little violet flowers printed all over it and a peterpan collar, And she wore a pair of white Keds, brown eyeliner and mascara, and her hair in a slightly messy fishtail braid. You know what I mean, right? Like, it's that kind of look that says "I just look like this all the time and, yeah, I'm really pretty but I'm not really concerned with being pretty."

I never met her. So, maybe she really wasn't concerned with being pretty. But I kind of think pretty much everyone is concerned with being pretty. Even Anne Hathaway in the beginning of Devil Wears Prada or Princess Diaries or any other movies where she gets a makeover mid-film.

So, anyway, he sees her across "the way" and thinks, "Wow that girl is really pretty. I like, love her." And even though he probably didn't really love her, he did think he really loved her. So, he went after her. Only she was kind of in a rush and hurried off to get somewhere else and before he knew it he was looking around thinking, "Dang it, I like love that girl and I have no clue where she went!"

So he tried posting it as a Missed Connection but she didn't ever respond. And after two weeks or so, he went straight up bonkers.

He's really rich. I think maybe if he was broke he'd've been a little more down to earth and wouldn't have gone crazy, you know? But he wasn't broke. He was rich. And insane. So he hired, like, a lot of people to search for this girl and they looked everywhere for her. And he kept hiring people and having them search for her up until the moment that he died. (Which was only, like, three months later because this mental break was pretty serious and he stopped eating or bathing or watching where he was going while crossing streets.)

His last words were, "I don't get it, we looked everywhere for her."

And that was true, too. They had looked everywhere. But they hadn't looked every when and that's what was their downfall, really. Because she was everywhere that they looked, but she wasn't ever any of those places when they were looking there. You see the problem, right? She was, like, in the grocery store when they were at the theater, and then she was at the theater when they were at the grocery store. Yeah, like, that's the idea but on a much larger scale because seriously everywhere, you know?

Anyway, it's sad for him because he died, but she didn't have such a bad life, really. She became a kindergarten teacher and studied botany "just for fun" and one time won a pie eating contest which was really a double-win because she got eat a bunch of pie and she got a trophy and $200.00 cash prize for it. She never knew about the really rich guy who saw her that one time and then went crazy and died when she didn't respond to his missed connection. I think that's for the best, too, because she had a really good life and that might have been a real buzz kill, you know?