Elevator Introductions//Business Card Brainstorming

Okay, as I am about to reach the "scrambling for a job" stage of my life, I've been brainstorming "Elevator Introductions"--which are quick descriptions of self that you can give someone during an elevator ride, if necessary, in order to help you network and potentially get hired. Anyway, here's some that I've come up with, let me know what you think! For our purposes, today, I'll put them in the potential business card version.

• Katrina High: Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death -- Proverbs 26:18
• Katrina High: In the words of Disney's Frozen: Her quote "engagement" is a flex arrangement and, by the way, I don't see no ring
• Katrina High: Not everything she says is a lie. 
• Katrina High: Has at least 7 friends. Is literate.
• Katrina High: Can braid hair. Cannot do french braids, fishtail braids, or any other fancy, elaborate braid styles.
• Katrina High: Cold. Sleepy. Sad. 
• Katrina High: Learns fast. Forgets faster. 
• Katrina High: Does lots of things kind of well. 
• Katrina High: Eats food before checking to see if it forms divine images. 
• Katrina High: Almost always wears shirts. Almost never wears pants. 
• Katrina High: Usually sleeps at nights. 
• Katrina High: Has been alive for at least half of her life!
• Katrina High: This isn't her real number. #########*
• Katrina High: Sometimes she thinks before telling a joke. But then again, sometimes she doesn't. 
• Katrina High: Patronizes people so well, that sometimes they don't realize they're being patronized. But then, sometimes they do. She's also pretty good at apologizing.
• Katrina High: Seduces men. Practices witchcraft.
• Katrina High: Probably hasn't ever stolen anything from you.
• Katrina High: At least she isn't Rush Limbaugh, you know what I mean?
• Katrina High: Adds vanilla extract and cinnamon to her French Toast Recipe. 
• Katrina High: Can't remember what real hamburgers taste like. 
• Katrina High: One time she got hit by a car.
• Katrina High: Just like Leslie Knope but without the optimism or the work ethic.
• Katrina High: Wears those jeans well.
• Katrina High: Has at least two good stories.

Uh, yeah, so that's what I've come up with so far. Let me know what you think. Also, comment down below with your business card/elevator introduction ideas... 'cause I want you to.

*The joke** here is that, if you count, there are only nine number signs. 

**Yes, these are jokes. You don't have to advise me against calling myself a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death*** on business cards or saying that I "do a lot of things kind of well" in an elevator introduction.

***In case you didn't get this one, there are actually two levels to the "like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death" joke. See, Proverbs 26:18-19 says, " Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'" So, the first level of the joke is the surface: calling yourself "a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death" to potential employees isn't wise. But then the other level of the joke is that I'm actually calling myself deceitful, which is true. As referenced in my third business card suggestion, I lie a lot.