My love of gift giving is also pretty tied to the creative joy that I get out of putting things together. I love having an idea and seeing it through. I've learned recently, though, that not everyone enjoys gift giving. Some people find it terribly stressful. So! I thought maybe I could help a few people out by putting together a list of things to consider when gift giving! These aren't going to be fool proof suggestions, of course, there are some people whose expectations or priorities just differ so drastically from mine that I probably wouldn't be interested in getting them a gift anyway and, therefore, I won't be able to advise you on what to get them. Also some people are just crazy particular and the only advice I have for what to get them is just "ask them what they want and then get them literally exactly what they said."
OKAY! Here it is! Kat's Gift Guide 2019, Hope It Helps:
The Element of Surprise
I know this might sound a little crazy but...you can get people gifts literally whenever you want. I think spontaneous gifts are some of the best because, ultimately, a present should let a person know that they are loved and thought of, and when a person receives a gift at random, that usually says to them "someone was thinking of me when they didn't have to be."
What's great news about this is: a really good gift doesn't have to be expensive or fancy or even tangible. Sometimes the best presents aren't! For instance, recently a friend tweeted about my comic. He probably didn't think, "oh this will be a good gift for Katrina" but you guys? It was THE BEST. I spend a ton of time writing and illustrating my comic and whenever someone shows support of it, I get incredibly excited. I have another friend who just sometimes sends me cute texts, or sends me a message to check in with me and let me know that she loves me. She is probably the best at reaching out to check in with my mental health. All that stuff matters SO MUCH TO ME.
So, what I'm getting at is this: a really good gift is just something that lets someone know that you care about them and were thinking about them. It's nice to do this for people whenever, not just at birthdays or gift-giving holidays. That can seem overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. It can just be simple things. If ever you are at a store and see something and think "_________ needs one of these!" you can get it for them! Or you can just take a picture of it, text it to them, and say "omg this is so you." That kind of stuff makes people happy because you thought about them when you didn't have to.
Giving a Thoughtful Gift?
Start with what you know! Ask yourself:
- What does this person like? Try making a little list of 5-10 things that you know your gift recipient likes. It can be simple: what is their favorite...Color? Animal? Food? Movie? Celebrity? Season? TV show? A great way to start getting ideas is just type one of these things into Amazon or Etsy or Pinterest or wherever and see what kinds of weird or cool things related to that thing are out there. For instance, I love the TV show Schitts Creek and a quick little browse through Amazon led me to this delightful mug:
Yes, just buying this mug would be an option. But it could also just be an idea to get a gift giver started. You could make your own mug! You could use the same slogan on something else! You could browse through 800 different Schitts Creek related things and then just end up painting a canvas black and using a white sharpie to write ew david across it. - What does this person do? How does your gift recipient spend the bulk of their time and can that translate to a gift idea somehow? Time is a limited resource for all of us so knowing how people choose to spend theirs gives you a great idea of what matters to them. If people spend a lot of their free time working on or towards something, anything you can do that shows support to that thing is wonderful. So, my dad is an artist who puts on art camps for kids and does fantastic acrylic pet paintings so you can't go wrong by getting him more art supplies. My brother has an awesome folk band so I ordered stickers to promote the band for him for his last birthday. One of my best friends loves to do musical theater so one time I just sent her money to cover two of her voice lessons.
- How does this person express and experience love? We'll get more into this later, but, since the best gift is a gift that lets a person know that you love them, sometimes, the best gift has to be pretty non-traditional in order to really express that love to that person. This is also just a really great thing to know about people. A lot of people know it about themselves, so you can just ask, "What's your love language" and they can tell you. Otherwise, you can try to figure it out by considering what things they do to let you know that you are important to them. I have a friend who has all of her coworkers' "languages of appreciation" written down so she can show her appreciation to them in the ways that will matter to them most and I think that is just a really fantastic idea. If you don't know anything about love languages, you can find out your love language and what more about them in general here!
- Is there anything this person talks about a lot? Usually, thinking about what a person talks a lot about can be really helpful when trying to think of gifts for them. If a person mentions needing/wanting to get a specific thing multiple times, it's usually a safe bet that it's something they'd like. Also, if a person talks at length about something, it's a good way to identify what might be a current obsession or interest. This isn't fool proof, though! Sometimes, a person will mention wanting a specific thing when they are in the "trying to decide whether or not to buy it" stage and then go out and get it for themselves. This happened once when I was in college. I talked to my mom for about 20 minutes about these cute pajamas I saw at Target. The conversation told her: this is the perfect Christmas present for Katrina. The conversation told me: oh yeah I really want these so I might as well get them before they go on clearance and not risk never being able to find them in my size. So that is a potential risk.
- Is there anything this person can't get enough of? I think, probably, everyone has a thing that they use or like enough that it is always a safe bet as a gift. For instance, you could never go wrong getting me black tights, black leggings, pillows, or Epsom salt. I wear black tights almost every day and they get runs in them like crazy. I love wearing leggings, but, thanks to friction, my thick ol' thighs usually work holes into the seams pretty quickly. I have a ton of pillows already but lbh I would prefer sleeping in a nest of pillows than just on a regular old bed. Annnnnd I love bubble baths and foot soaks so I use Epsom salt pretty regularly. While none of those things are particularly exciting gifts, I would really appreciate any of them. There is another danger with this, though! If everyone thinks "oh this is a thing this person goes through a lot of" they can wind up with too many. So, if I get 20 pairs of tights at Christmas, I'm really not going to need another pair of tights for a few years. If I get another 20 pairs of tights the following Christmas I will be in the world of "oh my gosh I am going to scream if I get another pair of tights does anyone know anything about me other than the fact that I wear black tights?????"
- What are this person's goals? I am almost always down with helping a person achieve their goals, but definitely tread carefully on this one. If a person has a goal to lose weight, for instance, a diet book might be really thoughtful...but it also could just be really insulting. I would recommend considering more, like, what obstacles a person has mentioned to achieving their goals. So, if a person is trying to lose weight and they've mentioned that they are wanting to cut back on sugars but hate the idea of giving up cookies...maybe get them a low-sugar baked goods cookbook. Then it is less "I think you need to lose weight" and more "This might help you not have to give up cookies." Consider outside of the box goals as well. For instance, I had a coworker who was trying to complete a reading list, and she mentioned a couple of categories she was stuck on, so I found books that fit those requirements and were within her preferred genres.
Don't Break The Bank
Okay, so, unfortunately this is maybe not universal advice. One time I saw poll results in a Seventeen magazine that suggested the majority of people would be appalled by someone using a coupon on their date and I was like...wait, why? Don't we WANT to date someone fiscally responsible? I don't get this nonsense at ALL! So, if you are gift-giving for someone who reads the monetary value of an item as an indication of how much you value them/your relationship, this is probably not the best advice. Still, I'm here for people spending their money wisely. The way I see it, we can go out to dinner TWICE if I'm using a Groupon, whereas we'd only be able to go ONCE if I'm paying full price, and if you're spending less on a gift for me so you can...hang out with me later? Be less fiscally stressed? Show MORE people that you love them? I love that! Do that! That's great!
- Start at the Dollar Store! This is my best advice for...putting together care packages, getting random/weird craft supplies, or planning a party. We'll talk about care packages with more specifics later, but, in general if you're going to be filling something with a lot of little things, I think it's great to start at the Dollar Store. So, if you're doing a stocking, or an Easter basket, or a care package, or whatever: you can get packages of candies and trinkets and such at the Dollar Store. Also: if you're going to be making something that involves destroying something, usually it's best to get it cheap. If you're going to glue a bunch of junk to a frame, don't pay $6.00 for the frame, get it for $1.00. If you're going to paint a doll to look like a zombie, don't by a $7.00 doll at Target. Get the cheap one from Dollar Tree. Or, go to a thrift store! Seriously, you don't need to pay full price for a thing if you're just going to be turning it into another thing.
- Take Advantage of Post-Holiday Sales! Okay, so, doing this does involve hanging on to something to give as a gift for a long time. So, if you have limited space or problems with clutter or whatever, don't take this tip. But, if you like the idea of getting holiday themed pajamas for a person or ornaments or whatever, go ahead and get them after the holidays and once they've already gone on sale. Then, just wait until the next year to give them out. There is a bit of a gamble that goes into this, though. If you're buying pajamas for a kid, even if you try to predict their growth, you risk not having them fit when the time comes. Or, if you think "this kid is super into Paw Patrol" and you get Paw Patrol Christmas Pajamas now...you risk them being TOTALLY OVER Paw Patrol the following year. So, that's always something to consider.
If You're Going To Be Making Stuff...
I love homemade gifts because they are unique and they require both thought and effort. Some of my favorite gifts are things that people made for me. In recent years my brother has made me: a couple of zines, a cool RPG, and an advent calendar puzzle. My mother has made me a ton of skirts that I absolutely love and a t-shirt quilt. And my dad has painted me a really lovely portrait of my dog, Jubilee, that I am delighted every time I see. He also did a pastel drawing of Scott Hutchison for me a few years ago that I really love. Honestly? I don't think you can go wrong with homemade gifts. But there are two big things you want to consider just for the sake of your own sanity!
- In general, stick to skills you already have. If I had to guess, I would say that most of us have seen something on Pinterest, thought, "I can do that!" and then, well, failed when we tried it. Trying something for the first time as a gift can be really stressful, and usually doesn't give you the end result you were hoping for. That isn't always bad, though! Sometimes the attempt can be the gift in and of itself. One time, I learned how to knit as my grandmother's Christmas present. I wound up giving her a terrible mess of what was supposed to be a scarf, and then, after Christmas, I gave her a significantly improved knitted scarf. If the purpose of the gift had been to give her a scarf, I would have been really disappointed in the gift that I gave her Christmas morning. But since the gift was really that I learned to knit, it was fine.
- Get started early! Okay, so, full disclosure: I wind up procrastinating on gift giving a lot and then I wind up staying up too late the night before I'm supposed to be giving the gift finishing putting it together. Some people are so good at this, though! I have a friend who knits all year round, and I remember one time she was knitting gloves in the summer. When I asked what they were for, she told me she was knitting them for one of her nephews for Christmas. She had so many people she wanted to be able to give Christmas presents to that she would start knitting things for them right after Christmas and work year round. That's a lot of forethought!
Tips For Care Packages
I love to send a Care Package to friends when they are having a rough time, or when I just am not able to see them very often. I'm also fond of sometimes doing a box of things as Christmas or Birthday presents rather than doing a larger present. Have you ever tried one of those subscription boxes and been filled with joy when you received it, even though half of the stuff wasn't anything you had any interest of using? It's the same sort of deal, really. Okay! So, if you're thinking of doing a box of things (or if you're putting together a Christmas Stocking or Easter Basket) consider...
- Theme it! I love themes, honestly. I love themed parties. I love themed movie marathons. I love putting together themed lists of books. And I love a good themed present. Sometimes, I will get a person two presents so that the present becomes a theme. (I was just telling a friend this the other day: I think great kids gifts are one part practical and one part fun, so, like...a book about dogs paired with a toy dog, or a dinosaur sweater paired with Land Before Time or whatever.) So, anyway, I love taking something a person loves, making it a theme, and then putting together a care package around it. One year for Christmas, I got one of my best friends a scout themed gift that had, like, volume one of the Lumberjanes and protein bars and a friendship bracelet and...okay it was years ago so I don't really remember. Another year, I sent one of my best friends a RomCom themed care package complete with a bouquet of sharpened pencils, razzles, and To All The Boys I've Loved Before.
- Really, seriously don't break the bank this time! Okay, seriously this time, start at the Dollar Store. If you're going to be putting a ton of stuff in a box, start with cheap stuff. You can get snacks, trinkets, socks, picture frames, puzzle books, cards, crayons, craft supplies, and more at the dollar store. Find what you can there first, and then check out Target or wherever.
- 1/3 Thoughtful. 1/3 Silly/Fun. 1/3 Snacks. This advice comes from The Lizzie Bennett Diaries actually but I think it's pretty solid. Thoughtful includes things like...cards, framed photos, encouraging quotes, anything handmade, etc. Silly/Fun includes things like goofy socks, patterned sunglasses, references to inside jokes, little games, and etc. Snacks include, well, anything you can eat.
Mix It Up
Okay! So back when we were considering what we know about the recipient of our gifts, we were asking ourselves "How does this person express and experience love?" Because the answer to this question is different for everyone, sometimes "gift giving" isn't the best way to let someone know that you care about them. The five love languages are: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Words of Affirmation. If the ultimate goal of giving a gift is to let a person know that you care about them, it's important to consider which of these things really matter to them. So, here's some advice for each specific love language:
- Physical Touch: whatever you give this person will probably mean more to them if you accompany it with a hug. I am definitely not a physical touch person (and I kind of actually don't love it when people touch me...) so I'm not the best at giving advice for this one. But! Whenever someone I love is really about physical touch, and I feel like they need a little extra love, I try to be a little more conscious about it. So, if I hug them/hold their hand/whatever, I try to be really mindful of it and put a little extra love into it.
- Quality Time: the best thing for quality time people is just the promise that you will show up, honestly. So, consider making them coupons for doing some of their favorite things with them. One year, I gave my mother coupons to, like, go out for tea, go out for lunch, go to the movies, and etc. because my mom really enjoys hanging out with people. You can also buy groupons or tickets to events for people so it's like... "Happy Father's Day, I got tickets for the whole family to go to this art museum!" or whatever. (Side note: Dad, the whole fam has to go to the Jazz Museum soon or these tickets will EXPIRE O.o) For my last birthday, one of my best friends just came to visit me and it was the best thing.
- Acts of Service: you can make coupons for these people, too, promising to do things, like, yard work, or unloading the dishwasher, or whatever. Or you can consider a project that they've been mentioning, get them something that they can use with that project, and then offer to help them with it as part of the gift. For instance, a good gift for my mom is usually yard work/gardening type stuff alongside the offer to help her with yard work/gardening.
- Gift Giving: I considered skipping this one since this whole thing has been about gift giving. But then I thought of some actual good advice for the gift givers in your life. Consider what things they get you as gifts and let that act as advice for what to get them. Are the gifts they get you always really thoughtful and related to something specific you mentioned? Are the gifts they get you always homemade? Do they like to give flashy gifts? Do they like to give practical gifts?
- Words of Affirmation: Whatever you get for this person, accompany it with a heartfelt card letting them know what they mean to you. Remember: the best kinds of cards are specific and personal.
One Final Thought...
Please don't get stressed! I know that this whole "gift guide" was, like, a billion things and that is a lot to consider. And I also realize that sometimes you can't just not get stressed. (Trust me: I've got so much anxiety and I am constantly stressed about innocuous things.) But my point is: gift giving should be fun. If it is something that really really has you stressed, there is no shame in asking someone else for ideas, or asking the recipient of the gift what they want. The purpose of giving someone a gift isn't to come up with the perfect thing that will delight them all on your own, the purpose is just to try to show them that you love them.
